Doubts

I'm pretty sure I'm screwing this up.

A little over 24 hours ago, I was fighting with my husband over an issue that has gone unresolved.
A little over an hour ago, I was giving Madox a bath and he was smacking me because he didn't want to be washed.
A little over 30 minutes ago, Ryker was screaming at me from his room because he was disrespectful and was put to bed without snuggling and watching a show.

I'm positive I'm screwing this up.

Some days it just feels like all I do is let people down. I let me friends down because I'm not as available as I should be to them. I let my kids down because I had a rough day at work and I'm yelling at them instead of listening. I let my coworkers down because some days I'm just too tired to give 100%. I let my husband down because he doesn't get any attention from me. I let God down because if He gets anything from me on these days, it's worse than sloppy seconds.

I often find myself thinking, "How do I even begin to go on?" It feels like I'm up against impossible odds. No one is getting the best of me. NO ONE. I'm not even getting the best of me. Some days I feel like I just want to sit in my bed and cry instead of facing the day.

Yesterday at church, my dad preached about the Great Commission. He talked about how we are to make disciples. We are to tell people about His great love. I felt something stirring inside me. In my bible, I wrote this prayer: "God, I was made for more. You have something in store for me. Show me!!" I find myself praying this prayer on the bad days. Not asking for Him to remove me from my current situation, but reassuring myself that God has plans for me. He has me here for a reason. He is allowing me to face these trials for a purpose. I pray that He reminds me every day that I really am blessed. I pray that He shows me what my heart is longing for...that contentment in every day life, no matter the circumstance.

Thanks for letting me share my messy heart with you.