I know that it is no secret that we struggle with bedtime. Ryker, our first born, loves to cuddle. He wants to be close and he doesn't like to sleep alone. You can guarantee that he will come in to our room at least once per night. (If it's after 5am, he wins and stays in bed with me/us.) This tends to be worse on nights that Brock is working.
We had a late night last night and an early morning today. I knew that Ryker was tired and I told him this afternoon that he needed to rest. I dozed off with him sitting next to me. He fell asleep shortly before my alarm went off at 4. When I tried to wake him, he wouldn't wake up. Ugh. I knew bed time would be interesting. So instead of fighting it, I let him stay up about 30 minutes later than normal. Bedtime went smooth and I thought, "This is going to work." HA! He was up after about 5 minutes.
He started to cry about how he wanted to snuggle with me. (This makes it even more difficult to put him to bed!) I took him back to bed twice and he just wasn't staying. This is usually the point that I begin to get angry and pretty much unreasonable. Instead, I asked him what he was scared of. I told him to lay down and he begged me to stay in his room with him. I looked at him and said "God is always here with you. You can talk to him when you are scared." Ryker looked at me and said "Mommy, I want you to sing to me. Please sing Jesus loves me." I stood in there and sang to him, Jesus loves me, Amazing Grace, It is Well with my Soul. When I was finished, I prayed over him. I prayed out loud that God would be with him and calm his fears. I prayed that God would wrap His arms around Ryker and make him feel safe.
When I said Amen, Ryker looked at me and said "Mommy, does God stay up late?" And I told him that God never sleeps. Ryker laughed and said "You mean He never gets tired?" I was able to look into the eyes of my 4 year old and say to him "Baby, God is always listening to you. He never sleeps. He never leaves you. He will always comfort you if you just ask."
Tonight I'm thanking God that Ryker had trouble falling asleep. He provided that moment for the two of us to talk and pray together. Those moments make me thankful.
Sunday, October 26, 2014
Monday, October 20, 2014
Doubts
I'm pretty sure I'm screwing this up.
A little over 24 hours ago, I was fighting with my husband over an issue that has gone unresolved.
A little over an hour ago, I was giving Madox a bath and he was smacking me because he didn't want to be washed.
A little over 30 minutes ago, Ryker was screaming at me from his room because he was disrespectful and was put to bed without snuggling and watching a show.
I'm positive I'm screwing this up.
Some days it just feels like all I do is let people down. I let me friends down because I'm not as available as I should be to them. I let my kids down because I had a rough day at work and I'm yelling at them instead of listening. I let my coworkers down because some days I'm just too tired to give 100%. I let my husband down because he doesn't get any attention from me. I let God down because if He gets anything from me on these days, it's worse than sloppy seconds.
I often find myself thinking, "How do I even begin to go on?" It feels like I'm up against impossible odds. No one is getting the best of me. NO ONE. I'm not even getting the best of me. Some days I feel like I just want to sit in my bed and cry instead of facing the day.
Yesterday at church, my dad preached about the Great Commission. He talked about how we are to make disciples. We are to tell people about His great love. I felt something stirring inside me. In my bible, I wrote this prayer: "God, I was made for more. You have something in store for me. Show me!!" I find myself praying this prayer on the bad days. Not asking for Him to remove me from my current situation, but reassuring myself that God has plans for me. He has me here for a reason. He is allowing me to face these trials for a purpose. I pray that He reminds me every day that I really am blessed. I pray that He shows me what my heart is longing for...that contentment in every day life, no matter the circumstance.
Thanks for letting me share my messy heart with you.
A little over 24 hours ago, I was fighting with my husband over an issue that has gone unresolved.
A little over an hour ago, I was giving Madox a bath and he was smacking me because he didn't want to be washed.
A little over 30 minutes ago, Ryker was screaming at me from his room because he was disrespectful and was put to bed without snuggling and watching a show.
I'm positive I'm screwing this up.
Some days it just feels like all I do is let people down. I let me friends down because I'm not as available as I should be to them. I let my kids down because I had a rough day at work and I'm yelling at them instead of listening. I let my coworkers down because some days I'm just too tired to give 100%. I let my husband down because he doesn't get any attention from me. I let God down because if He gets anything from me on these days, it's worse than sloppy seconds.
I often find myself thinking, "How do I even begin to go on?" It feels like I'm up against impossible odds. No one is getting the best of me. NO ONE. I'm not even getting the best of me. Some days I feel like I just want to sit in my bed and cry instead of facing the day.
Yesterday at church, my dad preached about the Great Commission. He talked about how we are to make disciples. We are to tell people about His great love. I felt something stirring inside me. In my bible, I wrote this prayer: "God, I was made for more. You have something in store for me. Show me!!" I find myself praying this prayer on the bad days. Not asking for Him to remove me from my current situation, but reassuring myself that God has plans for me. He has me here for a reason. He is allowing me to face these trials for a purpose. I pray that He reminds me every day that I really am blessed. I pray that He shows me what my heart is longing for...that contentment in every day life, no matter the circumstance.
Thanks for letting me share my messy heart with you.
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