I know I have a purpose. I know that I was born for such a time as this. I don't know how many times I have prayed "I know you have plans for me God.please use me." Recently I have gotten the feeling that God wants to use me in a big way, but recently I have been more discouraged than I have ever been.
When you are a mom, you are busy. There is no way around it. When you are a working mom, you are even more busy and LONELY. I see all these women who are leading small groups and attending bible studies. They are leading retreats and doing all these awesome things and I am sitting at home trying not to fall asleep doing my daily reading. Can I be honest here and say I don't remember the last time I didn't fall asleep during my prayer?! Sounds pretty ridiculous coming from someone who just said she felt like God wanted to use her in a big way.
I want to be transparent and tell you that this past week I have struggled. I don't know if it is the lack of sun combined with my history of depression or if it is just the devil. I can't find much joy. I find myself saying, "how did I miss that opportunity? I'm at the church all the time." "Do I look so frazzled that people don't think I would be interested?" Ugh, folks, I'm in a funk. I feel like I am alone. I know that I'm not. I know there are other moms out there. I know there are people that can relate to me, but it doesn't make me feel any less alone in those moments. I struggle feeling like everyone is moving around me and I'm just standing still. I feel like I am being left behind. Sounds crazy, I know.
The devil does a really good job of discouraging me when I'm already feeling alone. But I was reminded this morning that " He makes all things work together for my good." Isn't that a wonderful promise?! How can you not feel better after hearing those words? Although I may be discouraged and I fail Him daily, He still came to die for me and He would do it again. I know I don't deserve that. I am thankful for the promises that He gives me even in the midst of hard times.
