The Preacher's Daughter

I feel like this is something that I need to write. I don't know how to write it without offending someone or how to really get across the importance of what I'm trying to say, but I'm going to try. I also must say that God did a good thing by having me wait to write this out until this morning. If I would have wrote last night, it would have been filled with anger and today, it is filled with hurt. This post is mostly for me, for a type of therapy, but I feel like I need to post it for the few who might read it and need to understand.

I'm a preacher's daughter. I think most of you knew that. But I don't think a lot of you know what kind of life comes with that. Did you know that people will insult you, not like you, talk about you and HURT you just because of who your father is? (Earthly and heavenly for that matter) Did you know that you will hear people spread lies about your family? Did you know that people will do silly things like defriend you on Facebook because they don't like what your dad said in a sermon? I've grown up with the two most amazing parents you could ever meet. They loved me, they taught me, they were ALWAYS (and still are) my parents FIRST. They showed me time and time again what true love is. They showed me that people matter and that you should care about them. They showed me the love of Jesus. Most importantly, for this very moment, they taught me how to turn the other cheek. Do you know how many evenings have been sacrificed to council a couple, or a family, or to visit someone in the hospital? I don't think people quite understand how many directions one man can be pulled to.

Can you imagine what the man himself feels like? The preacher that is pulled away from his family whenever someone needs him. The preacher who tries to be transparent and preach the truth of God and people get their feelings hurt and decide to talk about how much of a bully he is. God never said that this life would be easy and actually, He said that we would be persecuted because of Him. Boy, I sure haven't felt it more than now. But unfortunately for many preachers, they feel it every day. They are asked for advice time and time again. When it is given, people will turn away and completely ignore it. They are called to make home visits and hospital visits and they go and the go. Then one time they may not be able to, they may not know that someone is sick, and someone gets mad at them for that. They put themselves out there and make themselves vulnerable.

Don't get me wrong, it's not all bad. When someone comes to Christ, when you know that you have actually helped someone, it is a good feeling. There really are people who love you. The church that we attend is an amazing support system and they have proved that over and over again. But just remember, the next time you want to offer advice, "Your sermons are too long", "You need to not yell as much", "You need to talk about this or that", "You need to go to the hospital more and visit" that you don't know just how many people before you have said that very same thing.

I'm proud of my father and his job. I know his heart for the people of his congregation. And I know that quite often it hurts for the very people who have spit in his face. I know that one day, he will stand before God and he will be held accountable for the people that he taught. I wouldn't change this life that I have for anything. I know that my parents are good people and that they love God with all of their hearts. But I do ask of you one thing, before you start to talk about your preacher in circles, in restaurants, at work, remember he is someone's father, husband, son. You aren't just hurting him, you are hurting his family and most importantly you are hurting God.

Unanswered Prayers

I'm sure many of you have heard Garth Brook's song "Unanswered Prayers". This morning, I was scrolling through  my facebook news feed thinking, what would my life  be like if God had answered every prayer. And then I immediately thought, Thank you God for not answering every prayer!!!! (I feel the need to add a few rows of exclaimation points, but I won't do that.) The first thing I remember really praying about was "God, please don't let my parents move me to Danville. I don't want to go there. All my friends are in Lincoln and I love it here." Wow...I am SO thankful for my move to Danville. I met my husband here, I have best friends that are amazing and can't imagine my life without, I have the most wonderful little boy. These things would never have taken place if God had answered the above prayer.

Then I think about the prayers over crushes. Now, I know I am not alone in this one. There have to be other people out there who prayed the prayer "Please, just let them like me. I want to go out with him." hehe...it makes me giggle a little to think about. Thank God that He didn't answer those prayers, because who knows where I would be. Instead, he placed a boy on my dad's football team that my dad liked, and he introduced us. Thank God.

The past couple of weeks, months have been stressful for Brock and I. Trying to move, living with my parents. Although we are forever grateful for being able to stay with them, it's hard to move back in. Getting into a routine and everything. Tomorrow, we close on our house. It has been a struggle. I have cried and prayed and yelled. Sometimes at Brock, sometimes at myself, sometimes to random people when I'm driving in the car :), but thank God that He allowed us to get to this point.

What kind of mom am I?

It has been a while since I have wrote anything. I quite frankly haven't had a lot on my mind other than buying a house. But here recently, I have been thinking a lot about the kind of mom that I am, the kind of mom that I want to be and the kind of mom that God plans for me to be.

I enjoy Facebook. I like to see what is going on with people that I know and watch their families grow. But sometimes I feel like Facebook does nothing but get people stirred up about all kinds of things. Politics (which quite honestly, I don't give two cares about. God put those people there and He can take them out whenever He pleases. My citizenship is in Heaven!!), human rights and most recently for me, parenting. When Brock and I decided we wanted to have a baby we had no idea the kinds of things that we were about to take part in. We knew it wouldn't be easy but we were ready for the challenge. I feel like the first year of Ryker's life went by pretty quickly but the second year has been a blur! My baby is almost two!

I get pretty opinionated about a lot of things but I don't always have the background or research to back me up. So with all these different moms I see posting things about not feeding their kids corn syrup, not spanking their kids, not vaccinating, not yelling at them, letting them set their own schedule, breastfeeding, not breastfeeding, not letting their kids watch more than 30 minutes of television, it makes my head spin. I don't doubt that the moms that have chosen different things for their children haven't done their research and I am not at all criticizing their choices. Because they are after all the mom of the child. And I completely understand that some choices are strictly for the safety of the children. Some things are bad for some kids, while for others they are ok. Each child is different. But sometimes, I feel like I just don't measure up. Do you ever feel that way? Do you ever feel like the newest fad in parenting is not something you are practicing so you think, well am I doing the best job that I can?

I hope I am not the only person that questions myself sometimes, but I have a feeling that I'm not. In my heart, I know that I don't want to waste my time worrying about some of these issues, because all to quickly my little Ryker will be grown and those things won't matter any more. So I am here to tell you that I am Ryker's mom who sometimes yells, spanks when necessary, vaccinates my child, allows television at times, lets Ryker have treats when good (and sometimes just because), breastfed and formula fed Ryker, loves that little boy with every piece of my heart, prays for him and his future daily and I am a mom who prays to God every day that He gives me one more day of being Ryker's mom. It doesn't matter whether we do everything right in the eyes of others, what those kids see in us, through us, is the most important thing we could ever do for them. So pray for your children, pray about your parenting choices. These little moments that we spend worrying about parenting are only taking time away from those precious gifts that God entrusted to us.

Parenting

By no means am I an expert on parenting, but there are a few things that I've learned so far.

Parenting is wonderful. Being a mom is one of the best things that I have experienced in my life. It is wonderful to see your child grow and learn. Seeing Ryker experience new things is amazing to me. And when he is well behaved, I am so proud that I could just bust! This past Sunday, we attended Devin's graduation. Ryker was so well behaved that I think I have told everyone that I see about it. I'm proud. It makes me so happy to see him like that.

Parenting is unbelieveably hard. You are now in charge of a person. Not a dog that you can lock in their cage while you leave the house. Boy oh boy it is so much harder than you think it's going to be. You have to make sacrifices. Before we had Ryker, I didn't understand why people didn't just want to leave their kids with the grandparents and go out at night. Now, I understand. Especially working full time. And I would absolutely trade a night out on the town for sitting in the recliner snuggled up and watching Tangled.

Parenting hurts. He falls down, he cries. He gets his hair cut, he cries. He tries to touch the hot stove and I quickly smack his hand, he cries. I turn around to leave for work, he cries. Oh this hurts my heart. He looks at me with those sad eyes and that lip out and I just want to go scoop him up. I want to hold him forever. I think to myself, before I know it, he will be going to school. He is already running around the playground and going down slides with little to no help. He is already pulling away to be independent. I love to see that he can do things himself. It makes me proud. But when he runs back to me, clings to me, hugs me, those moments I cherish because I know they won't always be there. There may come a day that he doesn't want to hug me before I leave.

It already hurts to see him growing up because I know that one day, he won't need me like he does now. But for now, I am going to treasure every moment I have.

Frustrations

I will apologize up front for this one. Although I should not have certain people in mind when I write things, it is hard to remain objective and just get the point accross. This blog is something that I am attempting to use to get my feelings out so they don't all stay in and stew. But some of these situations running through my head are not my fights to fight and sometimes they aren't worth fighting.

Have you ever felt like you just wanted to slap someone? I know...this isn't the best way to feel, but like I stated I'm not perfect. But anyways, back on point. You think that maybe if you did this it would change their whole attitude. You know like, "Slapping some sense" into someone. That's how I feel today. I would love to slap some sense into some people who can't stop their mouths from running. I also think about the saying "The grass is always greener on the other side". People get this way about churches. They think (or should I say that they SAY because we know all too well that people don't like to keep their mouths shut), "Well that preacher doesn't yell in his sermons" or "Their praise and worship is more contemporary and they always have a drummer". Now...have you heard the new twist on the grass is greener quote? (Thank you to pinterest for this one) The grass is greener on the side you water. Oh how I love this statement. If you aren't happy with something, the best thing to do is to try and fix it. If you can't, you can't and you move on. But people just love to go to this person and that person to talk. Maybe it starts out innocent and you are truly trying to work together to fix something, but it usually always gets to the point of complaining. And there is nothing productive that comes from the conversation.

I have been directly effected (or affected, I can NEVER remember the rule on this one) by a person's blatent lies and slander, and I have to tell you that if you are doing this to someone else, shut up. If you are complaining day after day about someone or something...please just shut your mouth. I can deal with the pain, but when I watch it happen to others it just makes me angry. This kind of behavior is not making anything better and it certainly isn't helping the complainer because people just don't want to be around them. It hurts me to see so many people who have to deal with this kind of thing every day. How can we fix this? How do you move on and just finally ignore the hurtful whispers of rude people?

I don't really know where I am going with this blog. I don't know if my thoughts are jumbled or if they make perfect sense. (I'm sure they make perfect sense to people who have been hurt) This brings me back to my above comment of sometimes it's just not worth the fight. What I mean by this is you can't spend your life trying to change everyone's opinion of you. Some people are just so unhappy with themselves that they are just not going to like you. And as long as you know that you are right with God, then you don't have to worry what anyone else thinks of you.

I want to end with this with this verse “I have the right to do anything,” you say—but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”—but not everything is constructive" 1 Corinthians 10:23.
So before you start to talk about someone think about the above verse. You can bad mouth that person (the minister), but is it going to be beneficial for me or them? I think the answer is almost always going to be no.

Until next time my friends...

Feeling Connected

I have two best friends. I am comfortable with these girls. I could share anything with them and I am fairly certain they feel the same way about me. I think about our relationships and how things started out for us. One, I met through church and small group. The other, I met in nursing school. We had things in common. We had things to talk about. We didn't get to this point of closeness overnight. It took work.

It got me thinking about the first times we got together with each other and our husbands (then boyfriend/fiance something like that). I don't remember specifics, but I remember thinking, I hope Brock likes them. I hope they have things to talk about. I hope they get along. It takes a lot of work to get close to people and I thank God EVERY day that he allowed these two women to come in to my life. And I thank God that their husbands have become Brock's best friends. He knows what he's doing when he brings people together.

SO...this got me thinking about the church, God. Why on earth would we think that our relationship with God would be something that would just be comfortable? Why would we think that we could just open up and tell Him everything, without working at it? Here's a tough question....WHY would we expect to just get that "awesome feeling" in worship if we aren't willing to bow at His feet and surrender every time we enter to worship?? If YOU want to feel connected, YOU have to work at it. So stop complaining, roll up your sleeves and be a part of the solution, not the problem.

Until next time my friends...

Therapy

Sometimes my mind doesn't stop thinking about things. Sometimes my heart is overflowing with hurt for people around me and it has to go some where. So I guess this might be it...I have never really known how to express my feelings to other people very well. I don't want to make people listen who don't want to. So, this is a totally optional thing. People can read it, or people don't have to. Sounds like a great plan to me.

Today my thoughts are on accountability vs. judgement. I have a really hard time with this. I want to hold people accountable, but I have always been accused of judging when I do. There is such a fine line between the two. I have google searched definitions, asked people's opinions and even at times obsessed over the thought of this. I read on a blog that the difference was that judgement was something you kept to yourself, to make yourself look better and accountability or confrontation was done out of love. But I have to admit to you, I don't even know if that is true. I have tried to confront people with love in the past and it has been viewed as judgement, no matter how hard I try to convey love.

So, my conclusion, people don't like to get their toes stepped on. As Christians we are held to much higher standards. We are expected to hold each other accountable. When I came to this realization, I thought to myself that maybe that's the key. If you WANT to be better, you WANT to be held accountable. If you have God in your life, you can see the difference. If you don't want to change your ways, you call those people your judge every time they open their mouths. This is something that I have a very hard time with. When Jesus comes back, or He calls me home, I want to be right with Him. I KNOW I am not perfect. I have never claimed to be. How do you go about keeping those accountable who may not have that relationship with God?

Well, I think my time is up for now. Until next time...